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About Varied / Hobbyist Joava24/Female/United States Groups :iconthecat-club: TheCAT-Club
 
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Joava
Joava
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Christian. Artist. Designer. Passionate. Curious. Adventurous. Lover of French.

And if these are important to you, INFP and Sagittarius.

I have loved and lost. I have fallen and gotten up again. I have failed and succeeded. If there was a slogan to describe my life, it would be "Dream big!" If there was a slogan to describe my personality, probably "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!"
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5 February 2016

I've lately been experiencing more and more tension with my mother. I'm not exactly sure why this is happening, though. I have a few theories: 

1. A bunch of little things are finally coming out (after about 24 years..>>) 
2. Extra stress due to my niblings and sister & bro-in-law living here
3. Perceived "entitlement" (on my part) for using her car a lot 
4. I've finally reached that "rebellious" stage (I'm a late bloomer?) 
5. Something outside of my knowledge/control has happened to Mom 


My sisters and I can see all the shade my mother throws our way. She has trouble admitting it, though, and also doesn't admit when she has hurt feelings. Instead, she becomes passive aggressive (which is, I'm sure, where I got it from). 

Perhaps I can be more specific. Actually, probably just vague still. 

I'm feeling kind of picked on especially lately. I'm the "lazy" one. I'm the "procrastinator" of the family. I have a "bad attitude." I'm "entitled." I'm "selfish." I'm "inconsiderate." You name it. 

Well, maybe. However, my whole childhood was filled with "My angel baby is the one who cleans!" And my sister did that. I never really had to (not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong). Now she's surprised that I'm not a go-getter. Like she expected me to form these habits just by watching everyone else do things FOR me. I never HAD to do anything growing up except a few household chores.  This is why in my 20s I'm learning how to do laundry and cook (things most teenagers do already). 


When I do have the opportunity to be responsible, it seems like she doesn't believe that I CAN. She'll ask me to do something, and I agree that I'll do it. Well if I don't jump right on it, within a few minutes (and sometimes a few hours (I take my time, okay?)), she'll be doing it or already have it done. 

Every morning I feed my cat at about 9 a.m. Sometimes she wakes me up around 7 or 8 (actually she always does), and if she's especially annoying (like knocking things over relentlessly), I'll put her downstairs. When it's food time, I'll get up, collect her, and give her her food. One morning, I'd put her downstairs and went back to sleep. Next thing I know, here comes Mom with the cat. She then comes over and opens the can of cat food. I'm literally right there in bed and telling her to stop. 
"Mom, I'm going to do that. Stop." 
She continues and insists that Olive (my cat) was meowing at her in hunger. (A likely story, Olive. You pig out on the dog food downstairs; I don't believe for a second that you are soooo hungry and desperate for food that mom NEEDS to do it...-glares at cat-) 

That incident really bothered me. I am solely responsible for my cat. I provide her food, her litter and all the services that go with that. And here comes Mom one morning somehow believing that I wasn't doing a good enough job that she felt the need to pick up my slack. IT WAS NINE. If she'd have just let Olive upstairs (which would have been fine), Olive would have come and woke me up, I'd have checked the time and been like, "Okay, food time!" 

Mom also comes upstairs and collects dirty dishes. I really dislike this practice as well. Firstly, it's kind of embarrassing. I don't really want her to know how many I hoard before I take care of them...and I do intend to take care of them myself. Second, it's inconvenient as she always takes any current water glasses. I have come upstairs and put a freshly poured water glass on my desk only to find it missing within an hour. 

This actually happened the other day and it made me so mad: I brought down my little collection of dishes (two bowls, two dessert bowls, a small sauce dish, two spoons, two forks, maybe two glasses) and I rinsed them as much as I could and then filled them with hot water to soak for a few minutes so it'd be easier to clean them (dried on mac and cheese it the worst about that). Not two minutes later, mom comes in and starts dumping the water out of them and rinsing them. I'm standing there saying, "No, Mom, stop! They need to soak. I literally JUST put them in there; I know how this works!"
"I know how this works, too. You'll go upstairs and 'forget' about them." 

I'm getting upset just typing about it. "Fine. Whatever." And I went upstairs. 

Yesterday we went to town and I told her we should get her oil changed too, since it's 2000 miles overdue. She insists she does not have the money for an oil change. We went to Pita Pit (she bought for everyone, so that's about $24 for food alone. Then of course she bought some pants for Johnny, that's another $7 so $31. Then she bought a yard or two of fabric and some stickers. I'm sure she had a few other miscellaneous items, so let's say max, she spent $40.  You know, not to mention the gas she spent on the way over... like $22... soooo...She at least HAD that much. 

That's literally the amount Oil Can Henry's charges for a standard oil change. 

Her doctor's appointment she had that morning she had estimated would cost her almost $300. It turned out to be less than half of that. 

Ever since she's had the car, I've literally been the only one getting the oil changed (and mostly because I've been having to drive it since my car is STILL not fixed!). They've otherwise just been adding oil to it. Anyway, so we're pulling into the grocery store parking lot (which is also where Oil Can Henry's is) and I'm thinking of whether do to it after or during my shopping and mom basically demands that I take this sudden parking spot and that SHE CAN'T AFFORD THE OIL CHANGE. 


Please note that never did I say that I intended that SHE pay for it. (Please, in this car when has she ever?) So I get out of the car in kind of a huff and go get my few groceries. 

My sister and I fain that we just don't want Dad to get mad at us if the "idiot light" ever comes on because then it'll be "my fault" but really I had every intention of just getting it done whether she liked it or not. 

I bought her a new battery last year in February. I've gotten her oil three times now. I went to get her snow tires put on and then re-torqued after our trip. I've been the main person filling up her gas tank since June. 

She went out of state with my dad to work all summer and then gets upset because she feels like my younger sister and I have taken over her car. She says she wants my car to get fixed. I get that she's frustrated, but like how dare she be pouty about me wanting to get the stupid oil changed. 

I guess later she complained to my sister about it. -_-;; Whatever. You know, she's said all our lives that when she got picked on in high school, she'd tell whoever it was, "If I valued your opinion, that might bother me. But I don't, so it doesn't!" I'm starting to get to that point. 


I really want a job so I can afford to move out with my sister and we can just get away from all this. 
  • Mood: Irritated
  • Listening to: Soldier's Daughter by Jhameel

Activity


5 February 2016

I've lately been experiencing more and more tension with my mother. I'm not exactly sure why this is happening, though. I have a few theories: 

1. A bunch of little things are finally coming out (after about 24 years..>>) 
2. Extra stress due to my niblings and sister & bro-in-law living here
3. Perceived "entitlement" (on my part) for using her car a lot 
4. I've finally reached that "rebellious" stage (I'm a late bloomer?) 
5. Something outside of my knowledge/control has happened to Mom 


My sisters and I can see all the shade my mother throws our way. She has trouble admitting it, though, and also doesn't admit when she has hurt feelings. Instead, she becomes passive aggressive (which is, I'm sure, where I got it from). 

Perhaps I can be more specific. Actually, probably just vague still. 

I'm feeling kind of picked on especially lately. I'm the "lazy" one. I'm the "procrastinator" of the family. I have a "bad attitude." I'm "entitled." I'm "selfish." I'm "inconsiderate." You name it. 

Well, maybe. However, my whole childhood was filled with "My angel baby is the one who cleans!" And my sister did that. I never really had to (not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong). Now she's surprised that I'm not a go-getter. Like she expected me to form these habits just by watching everyone else do things FOR me. I never HAD to do anything growing up except a few household chores.  This is why in my 20s I'm learning how to do laundry and cook (things most teenagers do already). 


When I do have the opportunity to be responsible, it seems like she doesn't believe that I CAN. She'll ask me to do something, and I agree that I'll do it. Well if I don't jump right on it, within a few minutes (and sometimes a few hours (I take my time, okay?)), she'll be doing it or already have it done. 

Every morning I feed my cat at about 9 a.m. Sometimes she wakes me up around 7 or 8 (actually she always does), and if she's especially annoying (like knocking things over relentlessly), I'll put her downstairs. When it's food time, I'll get up, collect her, and give her her food. One morning, I'd put her downstairs and went back to sleep. Next thing I know, here comes Mom with the cat. She then comes over and opens the can of cat food. I'm literally right there in bed and telling her to stop. 
"Mom, I'm going to do that. Stop." 
She continues and insists that Olive (my cat) was meowing at her in hunger. (A likely story, Olive. You pig out on the dog food downstairs; I don't believe for a second that you are soooo hungry and desperate for food that mom NEEDS to do it...-glares at cat-) 

That incident really bothered me. I am solely responsible for my cat. I provide her food, her litter and all the services that go with that. And here comes Mom one morning somehow believing that I wasn't doing a good enough job that she felt the need to pick up my slack. IT WAS NINE. If she'd have just let Olive upstairs (which would have been fine), Olive would have come and woke me up, I'd have checked the time and been like, "Okay, food time!" 

Mom also comes upstairs and collects dirty dishes. I really dislike this practice as well. Firstly, it's kind of embarrassing. I don't really want her to know how many I hoard before I take care of them...and I do intend to take care of them myself. Second, it's inconvenient as she always takes any current water glasses. I have come upstairs and put a freshly poured water glass on my desk only to find it missing within an hour. 

This actually happened the other day and it made me so mad: I brought down my little collection of dishes (two bowls, two dessert bowls, a small sauce dish, two spoons, two forks, maybe two glasses) and I rinsed them as much as I could and then filled them with hot water to soak for a few minutes so it'd be easier to clean them (dried on mac and cheese it the worst about that). Not two minutes later, mom comes in and starts dumping the water out of them and rinsing them. I'm standing there saying, "No, Mom, stop! They need to soak. I literally JUST put them in there; I know how this works!"
"I know how this works, too. You'll go upstairs and 'forget' about them." 

I'm getting upset just typing about it. "Fine. Whatever." And I went upstairs. 

Yesterday we went to town and I told her we should get her oil changed too, since it's 2000 miles overdue. She insists she does not have the money for an oil change. We went to Pita Pit (she bought for everyone, so that's about $24 for food alone. Then of course she bought some pants for Johnny, that's another $7 so $31. Then she bought a yard or two of fabric and some stickers. I'm sure she had a few other miscellaneous items, so let's say max, she spent $40.  You know, not to mention the gas she spent on the way over... like $22... soooo...She at least HAD that much. 

That's literally the amount Oil Can Henry's charges for a standard oil change. 

Her doctor's appointment she had that morning she had estimated would cost her almost $300. It turned out to be less than half of that. 

Ever since she's had the car, I've literally been the only one getting the oil changed (and mostly because I've been having to drive it since my car is STILL not fixed!). They've otherwise just been adding oil to it. Anyway, so we're pulling into the grocery store parking lot (which is also where Oil Can Henry's is) and I'm thinking of whether do to it after or during my shopping and mom basically demands that I take this sudden parking spot and that SHE CAN'T AFFORD THE OIL CHANGE. 


Please note that never did I say that I intended that SHE pay for it. (Please, in this car when has she ever?) So I get out of the car in kind of a huff and go get my few groceries. 

My sister and I fain that we just don't want Dad to get mad at us if the "idiot light" ever comes on because then it'll be "my fault" but really I had every intention of just getting it done whether she liked it or not. 

I bought her a new battery last year in February. I've gotten her oil three times now. I went to get her snow tires put on and then re-torqued after our trip. I've been the main person filling up her gas tank since June. 

She went out of state with my dad to work all summer and then gets upset because she feels like my younger sister and I have taken over her car. She says she wants my car to get fixed. I get that she's frustrated, but like how dare she be pouty about me wanting to get the stupid oil changed. 

I guess later she complained to my sister about it. -_-;; Whatever. You know, she's said all our lives that when she got picked on in high school, she'd tell whoever it was, "If I valued your opinion, that might bother me. But I don't, so it doesn't!" I'm starting to get to that point. 


I really want a job so I can afford to move out with my sister and we can just get away from all this. 
  • Mood: Irritated
  • Listening to: Soldier's Daughter by Jhameel
Ellis for Lexle11 by Joava
Ellis for Lexle11
So :devlexle11: has become a new little friend of mine. Since she draws wolf/foxes, I saw this character and wanted to draw him, too!

I hope you like it!!
Loading...
12 January 2016

Since the end of November, I've been battling against a flea problem. My poor sweet kitty, Olive, has been itching and itching and just crawling with the awful little bugs! I've put a flea spray on her, I've given her flea baths and now we're trying a combination of diatomaceous earth (it's a sedimentary rock in a powder formed by diatoms and it is sharp to bugs, but pretty harmless to bigger things like mammals), another flea bath AND a flea collar. 

I personally hate flea collars because they're poisonous and it means I'll feel the need to wash my hands constantly after I pet her and stuff. :( I'm really going to miss snuggling my face into her fur. Sigh. 

In other news, I'm still jobless. Anyone want to commission me? ;) 
  • Mood: Pestered
21 December 2015

That's how I feel right now. 

I don't know if this makes any sense and I question how healthy it is, but I had a conversation with Matt that kind of offended me. Apparently I'm too easily offended...? That it was ridiculous that this thing that happened slightly offended me. It really caught me off guard and I'm kind of mad at him. 

But in being mad, I'm hoping it breaks the cycle of want. It's better if I don't want to be with him. (I just hate that I can never get over a relationship unless I'm mad, UGH.) 

At the same time, it's kind of freeing. It's like I don't feel like I'm stuck in the depths of sadness, but now I have enough frustrated energy to start climbing out of the pit. 

Now, I tend to be a bit rash, so this may only last tonight. I may eventually begin to dwell on what we had, but I'm hoping that this "Ugh, what a jerK" feeling lasts long enough to push that desire out of my daily thoughts and nightly dreams. I have so many other things to do with myself (that I'm terribly behind on) that feeling sorry for myself is getting in the way of! Tsk! 

Breakups are terrible. The recovery time feels like such a waste of time. I don't regret my time with him, and I wish it had worked out because we did have a lot of fun together. But being offended by something automatically deems me as too easily offended AND it was MY fault for being offended? Um...Bro, heeeeck no. :P I did tell him if I offended him somehow that I apologize and would appreciate his apology for offending me because he did. 

He has no responded...so I guess he can't swallow his pride. Welllll alrghty then! Goodnight! 
  • Mood: Not Impressed
9 December 2015

I've been feeling particularly down today. Actually for the past week or so. Not sure if it's hormornal or not (thought I was very late starting this time around) but it's like...a looming sadness. 

I feel like I have no control over my life and that there is nothing going for me right now. I don't have a job. My car is still broken...nothing's been done to it despite FINALLY getting all the parts. My practically perfect boyfriend broke up with me back in September (and we'd barely dated a month and a half) and it's still hard to deal with. Not to mention, I still have dreams about him..whether we're together and it's fine or that he wants me back.. guh. It doesn't help. 

It also doesn't help to see so many people on facebook getting engaged/married and here I am sitting in celibacy. -_-;; I thought I was getting better, starting to get over it...but I feel like I'm creeping back to square one. 
  • Mood: Sadness

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:iconsoularwolf4:
SoularWolf4 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!
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:iconjoava:
Joava Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw thank you very much! :D 
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:iconmariofox737:
mariofox737 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Free Birthday Icon 
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:iconjoava:
Joava Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:D Thank you!
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:iconelreydelleon:
Elreydelleon Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014
www.deviantart.com/art/Traveli…\

I thought of you when I saw the cat. :meow:
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:iconjoava:
Joava Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That's neat. X3
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:iconelreydelleon:
Elreydelleon Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014
:iconfurryglompplz:
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:iconcandymountainclimber:
CandyMountainClimber Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist
You're such an amazing artist!!  Your cats are so cute!! :iconohjoyplz:
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:iconjoava:
Joava Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you! <3 I wish more people were as excited as you, haha! 
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:iconscarletcat1:
Scarletcat1 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I LOVE your works :) 
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:iconjoava:
Joava Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you very much! 
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:iconscarletcat1:
Scarletcat1 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome!! :')
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:iconfinvarra-penn:
Finvarra-Penn Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hey Whitney, it's Snicks. :D I'm back on dA. Doubt I'll upload anything. Mainly just hear to collect awesome art. :D
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:iconjoava:
Joava Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
HEY! :D How are you doing?!
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:iconfinvarra-penn:
Finvarra-Penn Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm good. :D
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